Missed Connections

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You: dark haired dream girl at the end of the lane.

Me: slightly aloof male scanning the isles for hamburger patties

No that doesn’t work.

You: girl sitting at the library wearing a red hoodie, watching “True Life” clips on youtube.

Me: guy in a Catbug T-shirt reading Foucault’s “Discipline and Punish”. I think you were really cute and hope that you see this message…

Shit.

You: girl jogging across campus in a black sports bra and USC Trojans shorts

Me: Fat guy on a fixed-gear bicycle wearing a University of Texas shirt

Despite your questionable taste in despicable football teams, I must say that I was momentarily transfixed by your beauty, right before I crashed into a parked car…

Nope. Not at all.

You: girl on the bus loudly listening to mumford & sons

Me: guy sitting across from you wearing an Arcade Fire shirt, sulking and staring

Seriously. What. The. Fuck.

God damn it.

You: woman with a penchant for making bad decisions

Me: man with a chip on his shoulder.

…that could work…