Bro and I: A Play

It can be for you
It can be for you

Scene: A table outside of a nondescript coffee shop. To the left we have 20 year-old Ricky (“Cakes” we’ll call him) sipping on an iced coffee. To the right is 30 year-old Ricky (“Tacious”), going to work on a breakfast sandwich and a large coffee.

Cakes:…so let me get this straight–you’re telling me that I’m gonna still be in school?

Tacious: Yup.

Cakes: But I’m gonna be teaching too.

Tacious: That’s right. And getting paid for it (though not much).

C: But, fucking Indiana?

T: Weird, I know.

C: Can’t I just go somewhere else?

T: That’s not how it works dude. You go where the school is, then go where the job is.

C: And the goal is to be…a professor?

T: Hopefully.

C: You’re out of your mind.

T: Probably. It’s not bad. A bit of advice though: watch your debt dude. You don’t know how much that can come back and bite you in the ass.

C: Ok. Makes sense.

T: But really do it. Don’t just make it another one of your half-assed commitments.

C: I will.

T: I’m serious.

C: FUCKING LET IT GO ALREADY!

T: Ok.

C: So what else is gonna happen?

T: Honestly? A lot and a little. It’s hard for me to explain, but some things you’re gonna have to experience for yourself. [lights up a cigarette] Oh, and don’t do this. It’ll make things easier for the both of us.

C [waving smoke away from his face]: No problem.

T: I will say that video games and guitars are still there. So you’ll have that going for you.

C: Fucking sweet dude!

T: Also, beer. You’re gonna be a late bloomer when it comes, but you’ll enjoy it.

C: I’ll take your word for it. Musical question though–does the “Lost in Translation” soundtrack still kick ass?

T: Oh yes. The movie will hold up well, but your affinity for the characters will change.

C: How? I mean sure the characters commit some fuck-ups, but I think Bob and Charlotte are still great.

T: What’s great about Charlotte (besides Scarlett Johannson)?

C: She seems pretty sharp. A bit of a smartass, but I like it.

T: Maybe, but think about her as a person–Harvard educated, a fucking philosophy major, married to a rock photographer and is able to just drop everything and travel with him to Japan. And what does she do? Fucking bitch and moan in the beginning of the movie. Yeah, her life’s real hard.

C: But it’s an existential crisis, dude. Those are the ones that endure. No matter how hard you try, it hangs over you like a fart in a closet.

T: Bullshit. An existential crisis is just a way for privileged people to invent their own problems. Tell Charlotte to try teaching to a bunch of raving, lunatic junior high kids and let’s see how quickly she changes her tune.

C: …no. I don’t really…

T: Dude, you don’t wanna know. In any case, sure the movie is still very good but it’s hard to get past that sense of fucking entitlement. “Boo-hoo. My husband can’t spend time with me because he’s out doing his fucking job that is paying for this fucking vacation of mine.” I don’t even want to get into the gender politics at play.

C: Oh great.

T: What?

C: Can’t I just watch a movie and enjoy it? Not have to fucking find things that are fucked about it? Am I an asshole or just bored?

T: Sometimes. A little of column A, a little of column B.

(C looks towards the parking lot at an older man in his forties walking towards them)

T: What? (Turns around) Oh, shit.

C: Who is that?

T: (whispering) 40 year-old you.

Mr. 40 throws a DVD copy of “Tombstone” onto the table.

40: Fuck you both and fuck your movies. (Turns and walks to his car)

C:…what the fuck?

T: I fucking hate that guy.